Backslidden
I had shut everyone out; no one was permitted to speak to me about God. That only made my deliverance that much more difficult; but it was all my own doing. There was no one, friends, family or my precious husband, allowed to speak to me about God! They were not going to tell me what to do. Should they try the result was always the same. I would hang up the phone immediately or if in person, walk out pronto. I was neither nice nor polite about it. I would not even allow for a subject change, you had crossed the line. In an instant, I was out of there! End of discussion!
Ask anyone that really and truly knows me, my closest friends and family, they will tell you I am head strong and quite stubborn. While it is a trait we all possess to varying degrees, mine was to a whole other level. I had chosen my own path. I had been out of church for 32 years, when God dealt with me. He was loving and patient while He waited for me to come to my senses. How He ever waited so long, I still do not understand. As with man, we have a tendency to hold grudges, but God does not work like that. Once we repent of our sins and are filled with the Holy Ghost, He casts our sins into the sea of forgetfulness. Never to be brought back up again.
Casting sins
“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us” Psalms 103:12
“Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:18-19
Sometime around July 2009, as odd as it seemed and completely out of the blue, my mother happened to mention that a preacher we had known 40 years ago from Portage, Indiana, Brother Irvin Baxter Jr., was going to be in the area. This was the first time his name came up in a conversation. She asked if I would like to go with her to see him. I told her I could not go. I said maybe next time, but I had no intentions of going.
Brother Baxter used to come to our church and preach revivals for months at a time. That meant church was seven nights a week, spanning several months, to include twice on Sunday. However, the subject matter was always End Time!
Hardly the kind of stuff a backslider wants to hear, especially this one. I was so cold toward God, my heart had turned to stone and I had long since accepted the person that I was, and that I was going to burn in hell and be in agony for the rest of eternity. Hearing it back then was enough for me, I did not require a do over … ever!
It had stayed with me all those years, while I had thought it was buried forever, it had obviously left a deeper and more lasting impression than I could have ever known. My past and present were starting to collide.
Then an email came on September 3, 2009, from my husband's brother. Embedded in it was a two hour movie. I had never watched anything longer than a few minutes online before and frankly, I didn’t have the patience for it. However, something was different about this one. I felt compelled to see it. That is when God spoke to me and told me that “time was short.”
I knew I had to get back in church and had to do it quickly. I thought I had dropped off His radar screen, but He had my number and was calling me. The ball was in my court, the decision was mine.
God must call us to his truth
“The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,” Ephesians 1:18
After being backslidden for years, that was the first time that God ever spoke to me. Now I ask you, how does anyone wait at the door with that kind of patience? That is completely beyond me. But, that is exactly what He did by knocking on the door of my heart.
Patience
“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20
He had allowed me all that time to see what the world was really like and that it was not what I had perceived it to be. I could never understand why people were so cold and indifferent toward each other. I hated the corporate world of cutthroat; I never played those games. I wanted to be fair to everyone. I did not live by a double standard, with a separate set of rules for me and a set for them.
As to the cliques, they certainly were there and I loathed them with a passion. They spewed venom and were quite nasty. I would be; and have always been the one to champion for the newbie. This was something I started from the time I was in grade school. I would see how ‘they’ were treated, picked on, ostracized, and ridiculed. Those are all evil traits and I have no tolerance for them. I personally could not stand for it, it was wrong and it hurt me that someone else I didn’t know was being hurt. I had to befriend them and show them the love and compassion they deserved. It was all about playing fair, and it didn’t matter to me what environment, their sex or race, I would not allow it! It is somewhat funny, I didn’t fit into the world and I didn’t fit into the church. I was that lone rebel.
But when you have been gone so long, it becomes hard to turn around. Actually, it feels IMPOSSIBLE. I thought I was unreachable, but the precious hand of God was there and He was letting me know He still loved me. The beauty of God is that He loves and forgives us all. On my own I could not change, I should know I tried it enough times and failing at every attempt; but with God He made it all possible.
I am so thankful He is not like man, He will never leave us nor is He like satan; God will never hurt us.
For good not evil
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11
I now had to figure out where to go to church, and even that was an ordeal, but He never left me. For days, I could barely sleep which was way out of the norm for me. I am not being funny, I would actually lie down and within a few minutes I had to get up. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, and as much as I wanted the sleep, it was not to be.
In the end, all I needed was God’s timing and the tiniest gentle nudges to get me there. Still amazes me to this day. It is all about Him and His timing!
God’s timing & being patient
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
“Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” Psalms 27:14
God then spoke to me and told me to “Go to an End Time conference”. God was very specific! (I was stunned, the conference was right here in my area, and right now to boot!) My first thought was, are you kidding me? How could this possibly be? Remember, my mother had mentioned this to me months earlier.
Now I had to go, not because I wanted to, but because God said I had to go. It was an uncomfortable feeling. I was way out of my comfort zone, just like the saying “nowhere to run to; nowhere to hide”.
Believe me; if I could have found a place to hide, I would have, in a New York second! (A minute was way too long).
Understand that God chose to use this very same man Brother Baxter, whom I as a little girl of 10 would sit on the church pew and listen to and was horrified by. Not of him, but what he had to say about the end of time in regards to the book of Revelation. I recall vividly as if it were yesterday, the Antichrist, mark of the beast, no buying or selling. God is uncanny in that respect, He may have waited all those years to pull it all together, knowing how extraordinarily difficult it was for me.
What I have never shared with another living breathing soul is how horrified I was of what Brother Baxter had to say. God Himself was the only one to have ever known, and the day had finally come that He was using that information. I know God knows all, ouch!
Antichrist
“And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed. And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.” Revelation 13:15-18
On Saturday, September 12, 2009, my husband, Bill, and I went to the conference. We now reduced to one car, and with the hours Bill worked, we could not go on Friday. Saturday he worked much later than expected, but we went anyway and we were quite late. That was to be just the beginning of my having to over-come the ‘late syndrome’. Afterward, there were many people wanting to speak to Brother Baxter. I waited until everyone else had spoken to him, and then I approached him. I had no idea what I was going to say to him, just that I was compelled to do so.
We spoke for just a few minutes as the tears ran down my face, I told him who I was. He remembered our family and asked me if I was in church? I told him I was not. There was no way he could ever recognize me. I had not seen him in about 40 years. He gave me a hug. (It meant so much to me. I can’t even explain just how much it did mean, nor did I understand it.) Nevertheless, in my heart, there is no denying it. He told me “to call him, when I got back in church”. He did not say ‘if’, he said ‘when’ and that was another one of those pivotal moments. It had actually caused me to sit up and take notice.
That was the gentle nudge I needed from God. He could have said many things to me that night and shoved me further away, but God gave him just the right words to say. I was fragile and trying to be obedient to God, yet I will tell you I did not like it one bit. God used Brother Baxter to move me farther along, where He wanted me to be.
On Saturday, September 19, 2009, by the grace of God, I was able to get the phone number of a girlfriend with whom I had lost contact with and not spoken to in over 21 years. We talked, and talked, about 8 hours worth; we had a LOT of catching up to do. This was totally not like me after all those years. I had shut everyone out of my life, as a means of self-protection. I was reduced to having just one person in my life to talk to and confide in, my precious husband.
It was 4 a.m. on Sunday, when we finally hung up the phone. I was exhausted and went straight to bed.
Bill had been asleep for quite a few hours. I woke up around 8:00 a.m., and was completely stunned to discover I had only slept four hours and yet was so refreshed. That was unusual for me, generally sleeping around 16 – 18 hours a day, as I slept my life away and hid it from everyone, as much as I possibly could.
The depression was so severe, even the prescriptions were now not enough. Sleeping seemed to be my only way of coping, I hated that I had no life and didn’t want to go anywhere and seen by no one. That had become a part of my life, a massive twisted mess and all of my own making.
Bill asked me what I had done in regards to finding a church. Once again, that gentle nudge I needed from God. Well, I was supposed to be looking while he was out of town working all week, but I had completely forgotten. After searching for the number of a church, I called and told the service started at 10 a.m. The pastor prayed with me on the phone. Looking at the clock, I said we would be there, late, but we would be there.
On Sunday, September 20, 2009, we went to church. It was the first time in 32 years for me and over 16 for Bill. I figured, what was safer than a Sunday morning service? The preacher was in the middle of his sermon when we arrived. (That in itself was another battle I had to conquer. I hated being late for anything, especially church, I hated the attention it created. I wanted to blend in, not stand out.)
When the preacher gave the altar call, I felt nothing. I stayed at my pew thinking I was safe, God had not dealt with me nor told me to go to the altar.
I repented of my sins, that is the first step in being able to effectively communicate with God. Telling God I was sorry for all I had done wrong. By the very definition of repent it means to turn from your old ways, to feel regret, to change.
Repentance
“But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Matthew 9:13
“I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.” Luke 13:3
“And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.” Luke 24:47
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9
Lost coin
“Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.” Luke 15:8-10
To my amazement, I raised my hands, and with tears flowing, God filled me with the Holy Ghost all over again. It had been years since I last spoke in tongues. Only this time it was different. I purposed in my heart from that day forward that I would serve Him.
It was a clear decision I made. satan had me long enough! I had been a failure, but those days were all behind me.
Receiving the Holy Ghost
“Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water. But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.” John 4:10, 14, 24
“And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;” Mark 16:17
“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” John 14:26
“And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.” Acts 2:4
When you are speaking in tongues, you are not speaking in a language you understand. You are speaking unto God.
Speaking only to God
“For he that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God: for no man understandeth him; howbeit in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.” I Corinthians 14:2
Baptism is an essential component to salvation, because Jesus said it. I myself, baptized at the age of ten (10) in Jesus name.
Baptism
“He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.” Mark 16:16
Do not stop at believing only and fall into a false sense of security that is God’s complete salvation plan for us. Believing alone will not save you. However, not any baptism will do either. The Bible is very specific; you must be baptized in Jesus Name.
Every baptism in the Bible was performed in Jesus Name and with full immersion. While you may have been baptized before, you need to make certain it was indeed in Jesus Name. There is nothing wrong with being baptized again if you are uncertain, I have personally known of those that have, it is that important.
Baptism
“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:” Matthew 28:19
Note in this passage of scripture Father, Son and Holy Ghost are titles, they are not names.
The same as my husband is a father, he is also a son, and he has a spirit. Bill would use any of these titles to identify himself, but they are NOT his name, they just identify what he is to others. The same as each of us have many different titles to identify us. However, those titles do not give us the authority to make a purchase when writing a check, or using your credit card. For that authority, you must use your name. He would use his name; Bill Brant. The same with Jesus, the correct way He said to be baptized, in Jesus name.
If you were to go to your bank and try to withdraw funds, you have to give your name. If you gave them, Father, Husband, Son, Wife, Daughter, Mother, Aunt, Uncle they would just look at you. Those are mere titles and we all have them. It is in the name that has the authority.
“(For as yet he was fallen upon none of them: only they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.)” Acts 8:16
“And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days.” Acts 10:48
“And now why tarriest thou? arise, and be baptized, and wash away thy sins, calling on the name of the Lord.” Acts 22:16
In this passage, Paul is talking about John baptizing under the law, which was before Jesus was crucified. After which they had to be re-baptized and covered under grace; which is what we are currently living under today.
Re-baptized
“And he said unto them, Unto what then were ye baptized? And they said, Unto John's baptism. Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus. When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.” Acts 19:3-5
Jesus is telling us that it is essential to be baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost to enter heaven.
Born Again
“Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” John 3:5
Salvation Plan
“Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call. And with many other words did he testify and exhort, saying, Save yourselves from this untoward generation.” Acts 2:38-40
When Jesus was ask by the scribes what the greatest commandment of all was:
First commandment
“And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” Mark 12:28-30
One God
“I and my Father are one.” John 10:30
“Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works. 11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.” John 14:10-11
“There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.” Ephesians 4:5-6
“For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.” Colossians 2:9
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:” Deuteronomy 6:4
“Have we not all one father? hath not one God created us? why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers?” Malachi 2:10
“Thus saith the LORD the King of Israel, and his redeemer the LORD of hosts; I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God. Fear ye not, neither be afraid: have not I told thee from that time, and have declared it? ye are even my witnesses. Is there a God beside me? yea, there is no God; I know not any.” Isaiah 44:6;8
“I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me: That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else.” Isaiah 45:5 -6
“Tell ye, and bring them near; yea, let them take counsel together: who hath declared this from ancient time? who hath told it from that time? have not I the LORD? and there is no God else beside me; a just God and a Saviour; there is none beside me. Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.” Isaiah 45:21-22
“As concerning therefore the eating of those things that are offered in sacrifice unto idols, we know that an idol is nothing in the world, and that there is none other God but one. For though there be that are called gods, whether in heaven or in earth, (as there be gods many, and lords many,) But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.” I Corinthians 8:4-6
“For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;” I Timothy 2:5
“Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.” James 2:19
To simplify, God is one Jesus/God are one in the same.
God came down Himself from heaven in order to be a sacrifice for our sins, because no one else was capable. When He walked on this earth and felt our pain, He was just like us. He was human, His name was JESUS.
Jesus Christ is God manifested in flesh
“And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory.” I Timothy 3:16
John clearly lets us know that from the beginning of time was God and He made/created the world and everything in it. He then robed himself in flesh and came to earth as Jesus, and the world did not accept Him.
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men.” John 1:1-4
Scripture warns of man attempting to change or taint your belief in God. He knew that false doctrines would be created that would try to keep you from seeing the oneness of God.
“But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.” Galatians 1:8-9
Standing firm in God
“As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” Colossians 2:6-10
Jesus is not in the Godhead, the Godhead is in Jesus. All the fullness of the Godhead is in Him.
“Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” John 17:20-21
Straight and Narrow
“Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” Matthew 7:13-14
No amount of evidence will convince someone of something if they don’t like the consequences or implications of accepting the evidence. What a person believes will determine how they live. What you believe will determine how you behave.
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.” Hosea 4:6
I want to ask you one question. What kind of a father would intentionally send his son into harms way (certain death) in place of himself? If you answer is that is not very much of a father, then I would agree with you whole-heartily. That father is as low as you can get.
Yet that is exactly what you believe when you accept that God sent His only son, Jesus Christ to earth to die in His place. It is a lie created by satan to keep you from the truth. No father worth his salt could ever do that to another human being, much less his own son/child.
I would say to you not just father, but likewise mother would never allow their child to be put in harms way and certainly not in their place, much less knowingly. As the kind of parents, God instilled a love for our children to protect them and keep them from all harm.
On one hand, He is no different; He is a very loving caring father, but much more. A better one than we are to our own children, as He is perfect.
He has no alterative motives. You may send your child to their room, outside, or to bed early. It is not for their good. You want private time, maybe to have the child out of your hair, or more personal reason. The fact remains you still have an alterative motive. It was for your own purposes, and not that of the child. God does not ever treat us as if we are a bother and that He needs to get rid of us for a period-of-time. Moreover, I can most assure you, we have all been a bother at sometime in our lives, at least once.
So how do try to justify your believeth that God could possibly send His son to die in His place? He couldn’t, He wouldn’t, and He didn’t! God is perfection and as such would never do such an unfathomable thing. GOD himself died for us being as JESUS.
That was merely a lie created by satan, to keep you from knowing the truth, and if you were willing to stop there, and believe his lies, then he has done his job he doesn’t have to continue to work to keep you in tangled in his snare. He has you where he wants you.
You believe that because you are going to church then you have to be right. You compare yourself to others perhaps and think, I am better than them because I go to church, I pay my tithes, I take care of my family, I help others, and I do all I know to do.
Beauties of God
Only if you are sincere, will God lift the blindness from your eyes. You have truly got to be determined that you want the truth more than anything.
That is an extremely difficult thing to say, because it means swallowing an enormous amount of pride and admitting you are wrong. That word in our vocabulary is rarely used. Admitting that what we were taught was wrong, and that those that taught us perhaps our Mom, Dad, grandma, grandpa, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend or Pastor was wrong too.
Seek and you shall find
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8
Keys to the Bible:
Determination and Sincerity
I now had the chance to turn over a new leaf. With God I was on the WINNING TEAM. I remember thinking my sights are set on heaven, soon to be heaven bound. I would hear Him say “well done thou good and faithful servant”.
Sights on Heaven
“lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.” Matthew 25:21
Only 45 minutes had passed from the time we walked into church. I didn’t know what I was expecting from God, but what occurred was certainly a surprise.
There are different schools of belief on the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues:
I had to come to my own conclusion. It is my belief I don’t want to find myself like the five foolish virgins that let the oil in their lamps run low.
The parable of the ten virgins
“Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.” Matthew 25:1-13
I had gone through many changes in all those years, but the one thing that remained the same was God. I am thankful HE does not change. One of my favorites:
“Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
For those that do not know about speaking in tongues, I would ask you what about Acts 19:2?
Learning about the Holy Ghost
“And they of the circumcision which believed were astonished, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Ghost. For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter,” Acts 10:45-46
“He said unto them, Have ye received the Holy Ghost since ye believed? And they said unto him, We have not so much as heard whether there be any Holy Ghost.” Acts 19:2
“And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.” Acts 19:6
I would encourage you to read the scriptures for yourself and if you are not getting what you feel in your heart is the right answer from your minister to pray and ask God to open your eyes. If you truly do want the truth He will reveal it to you. The key here is sincerity!
Seeking God
“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Luke 11:9-10
The lost sheep
“Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him. And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them. And he spake this parable unto them, saying, What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.” Luke 15:1-7
Prodigal son
“And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.” Luke 15:11-32
When you’re filled with His spirit, (the Holy Ghost), that is not for a lifetime. You need to keep it renewed, much like a car and the fuel to keep it running.
“Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;” Titus 3:5
“For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.” II Corinthians 4:16